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Why Do You Keep Self-Sabotage Your Relationships?



Self-sabotage in relationships is like deciding to bake a cake, getting all your ingredients ready, and then, just for kicks, turning off the oven midway through. Why do we do it? Often, it's because of a few common culprits: fear of intimacy, low self-esteem, or past baggage that hasn't been unpacked yet. 

It's like our emotional brain decides to play a game of "better safe than sorry," trying to protect us from potential heartache, but instead, it ends up throwing a wrench in the works. 

So let’s take a look into this behavior and understand why people self-sabotage themselves in their relationship.

 1. Fear of Intimacy: Some people treat emotional vulnerability like it's the final boss in a video game—scary and something to be avoided at all costs. Getting close means opening up to potential hurt, so their defense mechanism is to hit the eject button before things get too real.


 2. Feeling Unworthy: Imagine a little voice inside your head constantly telling you that you're not good enough for love. It's like having a terrible roommate who's always putting you down. This can lead people to ruin things before someone else has the chance to 'discover' their 'true unworthiness'.


 3. Past Baggage: Everyone comes with a bit of emotional luggage. For some, it's a carry-on; for others, it's a full set. Past hurts and traumas can lead to fear of repeating history, causing behaviors that preemptively strike against perceived future pain.


 4. Thriving on Drama: For some, calm seas do not make a skilled sailor. They're used to choppy waters and may unconsciously stir up trouble to recreate the turbulent environments they're accustomed to.


 5. Familiarity with Dysfunction: For those who grew up with negative relationship models, chaos feels like home. They might create turmoil in relationships because it's what they know and, in a strange way, it feels comforting.


 6. Control Issues: It's like preemptively flipping the board game because you're worried you'll lose. Some people sabotage relationships to control the narrative, ending things on their terms to avoid the vulnerability of being the one left behind.




Steps To Take


 1. Self-Reflection Time: It's like going on a date with yourself to figure out your patterns. What fears or beliefs are driving your actions? Understanding this can be eye-opening and is the first step toward change.


 2. Communication is Key: Instead of ghosting or picking fights, try opening up about your fears and insecurities with your partner. It's like saying, "Hey, sometimes I'm my own worst enemy. Can we team up against my self-sabotage tendencies?"


 3. Coaching & Counseling: Consider it a spa day for your emotional well-being. A professional can help unpack the why behind your actions and offer strategies to navigate through them more healthily.


 4. Set Realistic Expectations: Relationships aren't like fast food; you can't expect instant gratification. They're more like slow-cooking a gourmet meal. Be patient, and don't let impulsive actions based on fear ruin the simmer.


 5. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself like you would a best friend. Would you berate them for making mistakes or encourage them to grow? Be kind to yourself during your journey of self-improvement.





In essence, overcoming self-sabotage in relationships requires a blend of self-awareness, open communication, and the willingness to seek and embrace change. It's about learning to break down the walls you've built around yourself, brick by brick, and letting someone in, even when it's scary.

If you require a relationship boost, we are here to help!


Reach out to us via email, text, or phone at the information noted below.


Written by Coach Kenn and The Life-Line NCC Team

p: 531-331-2399






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