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How Do I Shake the Freeloaders Out of My Life?

KT from the great state of Texas wrote in and asked about freeloading relatives and friends that seemingly are "sucking the life out of him" (his words - not mine) and so he wanted to know what he could do about it. No worries KT, I got you.

We can all agree that dealing with friends and family members who take advantage of your generosity can be challenging. Here is a twist to the plot; do not blame others for your inability to say no to their request. A simple rule you need to understand is that they will keep asking because you keep saying yes so maybe the problem is not them after all but I digress as I am here to help.

While every situation is unique, here are some general steps you can take to address the issue:

1. Assess the situation: Reflect on the relationships and determine which individuals consistently take advantage of your kindness. Consider the impact it has on your well-being, emotions, and overall life.

2. Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries regarding what you are comfortable with and what you expect from others. Communicate these boundaries assertively but respectfully. For instance, let them know when you're available to help and when you need personal time.

3. Communicate openly: Address the issue directly with the individuals involved. Express your concerns, explain how their behavior affects you, and be honest about your feelings. Clear communication can help them understand your perspective and the need for change.

4. Be firm and consistent: Stick to your boundaries and avoid enabling their behavior. Say "no" when you feel taken advantage of, even if it may be uncomfortable. Consistency is key to sending a clear message and setting expectations.

5. Evaluate relationships: Consider the value these relationships bring to your life. Are they mostly one-sided, with you giving more than receiving? Evaluate whether the relationship is worth maintaining or if it's time to distance yourself.

6. Seek support: Talk to other friends, family members, or trusted individuals about your concerns. They may provide advice, different perspectives, or emotional support during this process but also be careful, talking about others can seem like you are gossiping and can backfire.

7. Offer alternatives: If you genuinely want to help someone become more self-reliant, suggest alternatives that encourage their independence. It could involve directing them to resources, encouraging them to develop new skills, or seeking professional help if necessary.

8. Practice self-care: Focus on taking care of yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically. Surround yourself with positive influences, engage in activities that bring you joy, and prioritize your well-being. This will help you build resilience and maintain healthy boundaries.

Remember, if they are not adding to you, then they are subtracting from you. Know the difference and find your voice.

Change takes time, and not everyone may respond positively to your efforts. In some cases, you might need to distance yourself or reassess the nature of the relationship. Trust your instincts and prioritize your own well-being while navigating these complex dynamics.

Coach; I have done ALL of that and they still mooch off of me!

They may need a little bit of a "nudge" so here are some assertive phrases you can use to express your needs and set boundaries with friends and family:

1. "I need to prioritize my own well-being right now."

2. "I expect mutual respect and consideration in our relationship."

3. "I am not able to continue offering [specific type of support] at this time."

4. "It's important to me that we have a balanced give-and-take in our interactions."

5. "I need to establish clearer boundaries to maintain my own happiness and peace of mind."

6. "I feel taken for granted when [specific behavior] happens repeatedly."

7. "I am not comfortable with being constantly relied upon for [specific task/responsibility]."

8. "I value our relationship, but I need to ensure I have enough time for myself and my other commitments."

9. "I would appreciate it if you could contribute your fair share in [specific situation/arrangement]."

10. "I'm learning to say 'no' when I need to, and I hope you can understand and respect that."

The key is to communicate these phrases assertively but respectfully, expressing your needs without being overly aggressive or confrontational. It's important to express yourself honestly while maintaining the dignity and well-being of all parties involved.

After that? Follow-through is vital!

Rest assured that they will come back to test your boundaries. Matter of fact, expect it! After all, what do they have to lose so you staying firm with these phrases will be the difference between continuing to foster this behavior or you bringing it to a stop.

Do you have a topic or question that you would like to see me blog about? Shoot me an email at: and let's see what we can do.

Be well,

I AM Coach Kenn!



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