You have probably heard that the number pertaining to marriages in the United States is that “50 percent will end in divorce,” which is a number that most researchers seemingly agree on.
This is a number that dates back to the 1980s and has since dropped to where it is thought to be today which is approximately 42-45% of marriages in the United States end in divorce. Trending in the right direction so it's nonetheless encouraging.
My experience as a relationship coach has shown that many second and third marriages (when the layers are pulled back) show some of the same elements that doom the first marriage. That means that we should be aware of those numbers as well.
Researching the numbers suggest that:
42-45% percent of first marriages end in divorce.
60% of second marriages end in divorce.
73% of third marriages end in divorce.
The question is when deciding to move back into a relationship (i.e. marriage), why does the unsuccessful rate keep going up? One could reason that we should know a bit more on the second go-around or at best that the "third times a charm" right? The numbers suggest otherwise.
Breaking the numbers down even further, they show that in the United States;
22% of women and 21% of men have been divorced in their lives at least once if not more.
11% of women and 9% of men divorced and have not remarried.
Based on the hundred or so couples we have worked with, I can confidently say that a whopping 100% of relationships that ultimately ended in divorce showed that each couple had an issue with three things:
Collaborative Relationship Vision
Of the above aforementioned couples, 100% them had some degree of those three issues when they came to us for coaching help.
Of that number, 90% of the ones that we have work with through our "Renew - Revive - Reinvent" relationship coaching has seen a tremendous improvement in their marital interactions.
Here is a side note; studies have shown that if your parents were happily married, your risk of divorce decreases by 14%.
Before you celebrate and think you have made it, consider this. That is a misleading number as it implies that you're safe due to your parents being safe.
Yes, you may have had a good example to gleam from but there has been work on your parent's end to secure their marriage and you cannot live off of their effort. That translates to you and your spouse putting in the work needed to strengthen your own relationship.
That number also implies that if you are from a single-parent home that the odds are against you. NOT TRUE!
We are of the opinion that your marriage will grow based on what you both collectively put into it, what you expect from it and will survive the rough patches based on your ability to do the upfront work to make the foundation solid.
Here are some "common sense" facts"
No one gets married with the end goal of divorcing.
The higher number of people have not been taught what to expect in a relationship. Unlike movies and other sitcom media, you cannot fix your marital issues in 30m window.
Having one be a good communicator is "assumed" when you're in a relationship. That translates to you talking more but hearing less or listening but not seeking to understand.
Most people would rather press their own "agenda" and be void of understanding what's being said to them (i.e more about winning the moment than understanding what's being said). Again, communication is an "assumed" skill.
Knowing how to communicate and talk through tough issues is mostly avoided, which only gives them room to grow and consume the relationship.
Most people will choose divorce out of frustration and for the seeming lack of options even when they don't actually want too.
The entire matter of a successful relationship comes back to the ability to communicate openly, clearly and with purpose. Being in love (in my opinion) is not enough to make a relationship work or (if you're married) for you to avoid divorce.
Our coaches have successfully helped a number of couples to understand the need to reset their relationship and have the ability to communicate.
Our system of "Renew - Revive - Reinvent" can help you strengthen your relationship in the areas of:
What is my partner trying to say to me and how do I need to engage them.
Discussion and disagreement does not have to move to conflict
Active Listening for Couples
Understanding first and being understood second
Creating a new vision for your relationship
Out with the old ways and in with the new behaviors
Here is a link of testimonies from people we have worked with. Client Success Stories. We'll let the words of these couples speak and tell the story of their journey.
Your relationship does not have to be a negative statistic. You can very well be on the positive side of the 50% curb by simply adding one of our "Renew- Revive - Reinvent"coaching sessions to your calendar.
We can accommodate any day, date of time needed.
Let us help you get things back on track and breathe new life into your relationship.