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When Frenemies Moves to Betrayal!

Aaron from Hollywood California is asking about friendship betrayal and what to do. I won't go too far into her email but Aaron, you made some interesting points. Here are my thoughts.

When you are betrayed by your best friend, it can be an incredibly painful and challenging experience. Another word to insert is confusing! In most cases, people will say that they never saw it coming BUT in the spirit of accountability & self-awareness, you have to ask yourself did you ignore the signs altogether.

Your friends are who they are so no shade there. When you see them mistreating other friends or other people, why was it, not an issue then? Why did you allow someone that may have a different set of values to run with you? Birds of a feather flock together and if they are not adding to you then they are subtracting from you.

The word "friends" (like the word love) is used so loosely that it is ambiguous at this point.

If you take a step back before you respond to a betrayal, you will see that all the red flags were more than likely there. It's who they are and now it's your turn. If you failed (as a friend) to check that behavior then, stop whining about it now. Take your life lesson and keep it moving.

However, if you insist on keeping this person around and feel that the relationship is worth trying to salvage, then okay. I respect that.

Here are some suggestions on how to respond, whether the relationship actually can be repaired, how to avoid betrayal, and how to move forward:

1. Allow yourself to process your emotions: Betrayal often triggers a range of emotions such as anger, hurt, and sadness. It's important to acknowledge and process these emotions. Take the time you need to heal and come to terms with what has happened.

2. Communicate openly and honestly: If you feel comfortable doing so, consider talking to your friend about the betrayal. Express your feelings and concerns, and give them an opportunity to explain themselves or apologize. Clear and honest communication can help you gain a better understanding of the situation and potentially find a path forward.

3. Assess the possibility of repairing the relationship: Rebuilding trust after a betrayal can be a complex and lengthy process. It depends on several factors, including the severity of the betrayal, the willingness of both parties to work on the relationship, and the history you share. It may be helpful to seek guidance from a therapist or counselor to navigate this process effectively.

4. Set healthy boundaries: If you choose to continue the friendship, it's essential to establish clear boundaries that protect your emotional well-being. This could involve discussing expectations, addressing any issues or concerns openly, and ensuring that both parties are committed to treating each other with respect and honesty moving forward.

5. Reflect on the circumstances and learn from the experience: Betrayal can serve as a powerful lesson about trust, friendship, and personal boundaries. Take time to reflect on the situation and consider what you can learn from it. Identify any red flags or warning signs you might have missed and use this knowledge to make more informed decisions in the future.

6. Surround yourself with support: Seek comfort and support from other friends, family members, or a support network. Sharing your feelings with trusted individuals can provide perspective, guidance, and emotional support as you navigate the aftermath of the betrayal.

7. Practice self-care: Engage in self-care activities that promote healing and well-being. This might involve engaging in hobbies, exercise, therapy, journaling, or spending time with loved ones. Taking care of yourself is crucial during challenging times.

To avoid betrayal in the first place, it's important to understand that you cannot control the actions of others, but you can make informed choices about whom you trust. Some steps you can take to minimize the chances of betrayal include:

- Be cautious when sharing personal information: Gradually build trust and ensure that your friend has proven themselves reliable before divulging sensitive or private details. Ask yourself, why am I sharing this, and why with this person?

- Pay attention to warning signs: Observe how your friend behaves in different situations and with other people. Consistently disrespectful or manipulative behavior towards others may indicate potential issues in your own friendship. After all, bad company corrupts good character.

- Foster open communication: Encourage open and honest dialogue in your friendship. If issues arise, address them early on before they escalate.

- Self-Reflection: Ask yourself why their behaviors were okay when others were the target and now that you are, it's an issue. This is where friends will say "You know how I am" and although true doesn't mean you should cosign the behavior by being silent.

- Trust your intuition: If you have a gut feeling that something isn't right, take it seriously. Your intuition (i.e. your gut) can often guide you in recognizing potentially harmful situations or relationships.

Ultimately, moving forward from friendship betrayal takes time and healing BUT let me be VERY CLEAR, it is not just time that helps to heal wounds, changing your behavior goes an extremely long way in the process.

Space - Grace and Compassion are also worth noting but It's important to be patient with yourself and allow the wounds to mend. You may find it helpful to seek professional support through therapy or counseling to process your emotions and gain insights into rebuilding trust and moving forward in a healthy way.

Do you have a question or topic that you would like me to blog about? Email me at: and let's see what happens.

Remember, it's your life so be accountable.

I Am Coach Kenn!

Be well,

Coach K

p: 531-331-2399


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