Our parents were wrong on this one. It falls into the category of hearing people repeat things because it had been said so many times that it becomes "normal" and just sounded right.
I remember hearing that as a kid way too many times to count. Looking back, kids just tend to say kid type stuff, well, because they are kids (I did it as well). They don't really mean it but are in fact just trying to be mean.
As an adult, I have learned that words are powerful. They can shape us to see ourselves from the eyes of others (right or wrong - good or not so good). There are a number of people trying to shake off the stigma that came with being around people that were themselves broken.
Hurt people tend to hurt other people. There has been more negatives spoken in our lives than positives in some cases. Keep in mind that just because someone said this or that about you, does not make it true.
Unless you want to make it so by continuing to dwell on it.
They "projected" onto you what they felt about themselves so they turned their inner struggles onto you. It was never your issue but you still carry the memories of not so kind people and their words.
Your self-talk is needing to change. It doesn't matter what he said or she said but allow me to ask this; when you look in the mirror, what do you say?
In your relationship, the words you speak to your spouse carry weight. The rule needs to be, if it does not build them up, do I really need to say it?
You see, winning an argument or getting the last word in may make you feel great in the moment as you believe that you have proved your point and won but think about it and ask yourself, what did you really win?